So I was at work today. I was wearing a tight sweater so you could see my bump. If I wear something loose you can’t see it, but I do have one. It’s about the size that i could be pg, but I could just be fat. Beside the point… I was at the counter with my hand on my belly because the kiddos were giving me a bout of neausea. A trashy lady comes up to me and asks when I was due.

Me: early next year
Her: wow! You are huge for not being very pregnant!
Me: Thanks. I’m carrying twins. We twin carriers usually measure 4 weeks ahead.
Her: your hands are gonna swell. Your feet too. That’s gonna suck for you.
Me: well, my sisters didn’t have a whole lot of swelling issues, neither did my mom, so I think I will be ok.
Her: well they didn’t have twins, did they?
Me: no, do you have twins?
Her: no, but I swelled.
Me: I’m not related to you. I think I will be just fine.
Her: you are gonna swell big time.
Me: then come back in a few months. I will be the one with the sausage fingers and Kleenex boxes on my feet cuz no shoes fit.

Really lady, do you honestly think I care about your water retention issues? This lady had to have been around 230 lbs or more. Me? I’m like 140ish give or take. I also down water like you wouldn’t believe and don’t have water retention issues. She looked like she ate cheetos and red bull through her pregnancy. Her flabby tummy was actually hanging out of her shirt. Her muffin top frightened me. Why the hell was she in a high end designer store?

Sorry, I don’t mean to judge, but come on. She looked like one of the people on that site Check it out, it’s funny and sad at the same time. I liken her to the lady in the pink top. You’ll know her when you see her.

I guess this is just the start of all of the unsolicited advice that will happen upon me in the next 7 or so months. Awesome. The dark side of pregnancy.

Oh, and my sweet wonderful husband looked at me the other day and says ” it will be fun to see what this pregnancy does to you”. Asshole.