I had my first “real” emotional meltdown today. It all started when Josh and I were finishing up the last of moving out of our place into our new pad. I wasn’t doing anything strenuous, just packing up a box when all of the sudden neausea set in. I went into the bathroom immediately because I knew I was going to be sick. When I was done, I went and sat down and started crying uncontrollably. So many thoughts were going through my head…

– I felt terrible that I wasn’t that much help and poor Josh had to so most of the work.
– what if I hurt the babies while working in the move?
– what if I am a bad mom who can’t provide for her children?
– what if this whole twin thing puts a wedge in my relationship with my husband?
– what if he can’t take it and leaves me? What if he decides he doesn’t want kids?
– oh my god we are having twins….

Of course these thoughts are entirely irrational and it’s just the hormones and the stress of moving that caused my little episode. I know that. But remember from a previous post, I am not being that rational at the moment.

I have another u/s on Sept 17. 2 1/2 long weeks until I see them again. Josh is taking the afternoon off to be there. He’s just as invested in this as I am. We’ve been together for 15 years, we know eachother so well. We know exactly how each reacts to things. So why am I so scared?

Fucking hormones……