When I was trying to get pregnant, I had these grandiose plans of how I would raise them. When I found out I was having twins, I held onto the “dream” of keeping these things.
Then I had them. All of those ideas flew out the window.
I was going to be a crunchy mom. I was relishing in the idea of washing poop from cloth diapers, nurse wherever I damn well pleased, grow and puree my own baby food. Heck, maybe even become a vegetarian (but let’s face it. BACON.)
Before I had my twins (now 3 years old), I had purchased things like a HUGE cloth diaper kit, a Medela breast pump, nursing covers, baby-food maker, etc etc. AFTER I had my twins I realized that things just weren’t that easy.
Breastfeeding was difficult – no matter how much I tried and how many remedies I used I just couldn’t produce enough. I tried for 12 weeks and it just didn’t come naturally for me. I expected *magically* that each baby would latch and I would have able supply for both. But alas, that didn’t happen. So formula it was. Bonus was I could get my husband to get up at night to feed them, although that didn’t happen a whole lot.
Cloth diapering? HA. I barely had enough time to sleep let alone wash diapers day in and day out. Since a newborn is changed an average of 10 times per day, that was 20 diapers per day I went through. TWENTY. Heck no. Disposables were quickly utilized and I sold off my gigantic box of cloth diapers.
And making baby food. Well, I didn’t have a spot to grow it, so I bought veggies and fruits and tried milling them myself. Which was fine, but again, sleep was the priority when I had some free time (still is). Besides, they weren’t on purees long and started eating solids exclusively at around 8-9 months.
And do you know what? My twins are healthy, active, and smart children, despite the changes and sacrifices. I have a bond with them that is unbreakable. Making the choices I did when they were small and continuing to make decisions based on their best interest (and my sanity) is working, and working quite well. Realizing I don’t have to be an organic crunchy mom released me from the guilt associated with giving up my ideas and let me actually enjoy my children.
While every mom has guilt over one thing or another, I just have to say – if you have similar issues, whether you have a singleton or multiples, and have had to make choices that were different than what you thought you would do, get over it. As long as your child(ren) is healthy, happy, and out of danger you are doing something right.