Yeah, that’s me.. not having the greatest day today… Hormones? maybe…. Probably….

Let’s start with self-image, shall we?

Two weeks post-partum I was able to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I had lost all of the baby weight and then some. Yay me. HOWEVER.

I have had no change since then. Ok, I have had no POSITIVE change since then…

My stomach….
I have this chunk of flab sitting on my lower belly. It just hangs there. I was taking a bath tonight (a long bubble bath that I deserved dammit – we will get to that), looked down at my belly, kinda pinched my skin and it’s like jello. no, like pudding. Like runny pudding with skin. It jiggles and it’s ugly and it has stretchmarks and I even still have my linea nigra. Isn’t that supposed to go away? So without spanx I have a pocket of skin that just sits in my jeans. My skinny jeans don’t look the same. When putting on spanx (or jeans or pants or whatever) I feel like I have to tuck the skin in. Maybe I will get brave a post a PP belly shot. Maybe not…

My b00bs….
They are ginormous. I mean HUGE… It’s not like I was small before I got pregnant. I was a 36 DD. Now I am more like a 36 FF, but I don’t dare go out and buy new bras because, well, I am in denial. They are engorged but I can’t pump enough to keep up with my little ones. Dylan eats a minimum of 24 oz a day, Riley roughly the same. so 48oz a day minimum per day to sustain my children’s lives without formula. How much am I pumping? 5-10oz a day. And thanks in advance for the suggestions, but i’ve tried. I’ve tried herbs, teas, pumping more frequently, using a super industrial pump, even Reglan. So I give them what I can and have to be ok with it. Considering the size of my chesticle you would think I can supply milk for the entire town. Nope. Apparently it’s a cruel joke to the milk fairy. At least my large ladies make my waist appear smaller in comparison…

Mother’s Day? I don’t want to talk about it. We will leave it at that. And I will add he is NOT off the hook….

Last night I got the babies to sleep and wanted a soak in the tub. Josh said he wanted to take a quick shower. I knew that I missed my opportunity to get some time to myself – it was 11pm and the babies would be awake by midnight and Josh would be in bed asleep by then. Waaahh to me… By the way, that not why my Mothers Day sucked.

On a positive note, my babies are keeping me going. They are THIS CLOSE to giving me genuine smiles. When Riley briefly smiles in her sleep I get a glimpse of her little dimple on her left cheek. Dylan might have one on his right cheek, I can’t tell yet. They are also sleeping decently. I changed Dylan’s formula to Alim.entum from Simil@c and it seems to help. He still has bouts of colic but not nearly as bad as he was. Apparently it’s supposed to peak soon and then calm back down. Which would be nice because this formula is twice the cost of regular stuff. Riley sleeps like a champ – a few hours at a time. The longest was 8 hours last week!

Then back to sad – they are growing so fast. Clothes they fit into 3 days ago no longer fit them. Sadness… I have one outfit that I really want to put on Riley – a cute little sundress. but by the time I am able to let her wear it (I live in Portland – rain..) I know it won’t fit. Boo.

But then back to happy times when I look into their eyes and I know that they know I am their mommy. There’s nothing like that in the world…